When Rest Feels Restless: Why Your Nervous System Resists Slowing Down

We often think of rest as something simple: sit down, take a nap, switch off. Yet, for so many high-achieving women, rest doesn’t feel simple at all. It can feel uncomfortable, even threatening. You might try to slow down, only to find yourself agitated, restless, or suddenly thinking about all the things you “should” be doing. This isn’t a failure of willpower, it’s your nervous system. Here are three important things to understand if you find yourself resisting rest:

1. The Nervous System Can Sabotage Rest

When stress becomes your norm, your body becomes wired for productivity and survival. So when you pause, your system interprets it as “unsafe.” Instead of relaxing, you feel jittery, your thoughts race, or you suddenly get the urge to clean, check emails, or plan tomorrow. Your nervous system isn’t broken, it’s doing what it thinks will keep you safe.

2. Disconnection From Your Body

When you’ve spent years in “survival mode,” achieving, doing moving onto the next thing, so much of your time is spent living in your head, disconnected from your bodies’ cues. We don’t always recognise the signals of stress until we crash, nor do we notice what rest actually feels like in our bodies. Without this awareness, you keep cycling through overwork and collapse, never quite reaching true restoration.

3. Resting With a Perfectionist Lens

Even when we do attempt rest, we can bring the same performance mindset to it: “Am I meditating properly?” “This blog says I should do these 5 things so I have to do all!” This turns rest into another task on the to-do list, rather than a personal, intuitive and embodied experience.

The shift starts here:

• Recognise that agitation in rest as feedback not failure.
• Begin to gently notice your body’s cues for stress and release.
• Approach rest as practice, not performance.

Rest isn’t something you earn. It’s something you were born worthy of! If this resonates with you and you’d like support in making rest feel safe again, I offer therapy and spaces for healing. You’re welcome to reach out and see if working together feels right for you.